Thursday, July 14, 2011

getting to know you, trying to forget you.

Getting to know you.... 
The first part of this is going to be about my sister, Maylee. Yes, I have a half-sister people! I've always heard many things about her and my half-brother(her full brother). She's 14 and half - 15 years older than me. When I was little, I was always amazed and wanted to hear about how they were and what they were like from my mom and dad.

It wasn't until a few months ago we contacted each other and started to talk. Some may ask, "Why are you JUST now getting in contact?" Well, that is a good question. Why has it taken me 23 almost 24 years to contact my sister who I've never met? I guess I was always scared. Scared because, what if they didn't know about me? What if they did know and hated me? What if they knew and didn't care? What if they just didn't want me in their lives? SO many questions kept from contacting them. Still, I finally got over it and just FB'd her. Yes, facebook!

While getting to know each other, I've found that we have a lot in common. Not just because of our father having left when we were young and not seeing him much if at all through our childhoods, but our sleeping and eating patterns are alike.

May's mom is Chinese, which everyone knows my obsession with the Asian culture. Annnnd! I just found out recently that I have a tattoo of her mother's name, "Ai". Kinda weird, since I didn't know her name and I have had my tattoo for over a year now. She has a wonderful husband, Ian and a beautiful son, Xander. I can't believe I'm an aunt! An actual blood aunt!

The thing I've learned the most from her though, is that she has incredible strength. I say this because her husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma in March, and has been a taking care of him and their son. It's been a struggle, from what I've been told and what I've seen. Treatments, hospitals, doctors, medicine. Add all that to everyday living, and it's hard. She keeps going though, pushing even though sometimes I'm sure she wants to just give up. But she doesn't. This is HER family. The love of her life, the father of her child. I want so much to help and do more, but I don't want to overstep any boundaries. I don't want to push her to let me be there, when she hardly knows me, regardless if we are family. Though, I'm available for whenever she likes and I'll be there. I wish this wasn't happening to them. Xander just turned 3 years old a few days ago and Ian is a young 40. I know it's hard on all of them.

Trying to forget you...

Speaking of wanting to be there for people, Chris contacted me a few days ago. It was a short talk, but he was apologizing for not keeping in touch as much lately. Things seem to be getting hectic there again, in all sense of the word. I wasn't expecting a call or anything from him, I've been trying to forget about him as far as caring too much. Though, I always have and will pray for him.

Apparently, his dad and him went to the doctors earlier in the day he contacted me, telling me that his father's prostate cancer may be coming back. It seems though it can't be diagnosed right away, they'll have to test again next week to see if it was correct or a fluke. Then again in 3 months. If the levels are all above .1, then it means he probably does have it again and need to start biopsies.

When he told me this, I just couldn't believe it. Why was this happening to him? Especially since he just lost his mother to uterine cancer that had spread to her lungs in April. Now his father?

It hurt to hear that. Because I knew, I knew that he was scared again and there was nothing I could do except tell him that if he needed me, I'd be here.

I go back to thinking, "why is this happening?" I wish it wasn't and wish I was there. For Chris and my sister Maylee.