Wednesday, February 24, 2010


I really hate working for this company.

The only saving grace is that I have my friend Angel who works with me.

Sunday night, I had to call out. Was running a fever, lost my voice.. Needless to say my manager was upset and made Angel work till 4 am. She had been there since 7am prior. I was MAD.

Still, I went to the doctor Monday morning. I have the flu along with sinusitis and bronchitis. FUN. My OBGYN, appointment was later in the day and I found out that I have dysplasia on my cervix. Basically, abnormal mutation growths. They gave me medicine to help clear it up and I have to have a pap-smear every 2 months. (Can't let it get out of control.)

Well, earlier tonight I was at home and went into my bathroom. One minute I'm fine the next I wake up on the tiled floor, calling for my mom. It hurt to move, to breathe. It was so utterly hot too.

I got up an hour later and had a fever. So I called Angel and asked if she could come to my house, drive my car to work and I pay for a room for her. Because I didn't want to be at the hotel by myself in case I blacked out again. And she said yes. THANK GOD.

This illness isn't fun. It reminds me of... the swine flu I had back in November..

I really just wanna be in mah bed.

I'm not going to my class tomorrow, because I can't. I'll be getting a zero on my test, but I don't think they want me infecting people.

Which makes me realize I haven't done my essay for english. a;skdfja;skfdj

I can't concentrate at all on it either. So I'm ducked.

yay. not.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

cough, fever, cramps, bleeding, oh my~!


I'm coughing, trying not to. Throat hurts. Slight fever. Cramping and bleeding. I had my period a week and a half ago, and I should not be bleeding! Especially not this heavy. It's really worrying me. Especially since my papsmear came back last year with abnormalties. Hopefully the doctor will squeeze me in today, because honestly, I'm in pain and can't afford to miss school or work.

Picked out paint colors yesterday with Muse. We should be moving in at the beginning of March it looks like. Depending on how long it's going to take to put new floors in the kitchen and bathroom.

I would elaborate more, but I feel I may just become bitchy and begin a rant. So, I'll say adieu.

Friday, February 12, 2010

another hair color. and i want my flippy flops!

Yeah. I dyed my hair again! I think I will forever be changing the colors. Right now it looks like.... Orange, orange, blonde, auburn... Yeah. Bright colors. I want spring here, quick!

Don't get me wrong, I love the Winter, and the cold... BUT. I'm missing my flip flops. Seriously, I really just want to wake up and just slide me feet into those suckers, without having to put socks and... tennis shoes on. -shudder- I honestly can't stand sneakers anymore, too constricting. I really should invest in some boots, considering I don't have any... The last pair I had I wore down to the point I was getting blisters and stuff on my feet. Had 'em for about.... seven years.

My feet don't grow anymore. :P

School has been okay so far this semester. I keep moving from this Math class and I feel I'll never make it. Really, I ended up dropping the thing because I just didn't understand it. So I went back to theater. WHICH!... afkjals;dfj We are allowed to make a theater club at the college!

Ain't that exciting?

I think it's fabulous, I've been bugging people about it for almost four years now. The only thing is, is our sponsor, who is my teacher and theater director, nominated officers. Now, I do ALOT for theater and this woman. I'm always organized, I get people to come. I do everything almost. And you know what? She didn't even nominate me for President of the Club. aksldfj;aslkdjf I'm so upset. It's really heartbreaking. Not even VP either. No, she nominated me for Treasury/PR. Granted, I like being the spokesperson and what not, getting our names and plays out there. But... really? I deserved that position the most. If we had done it by experience, faithfulness, and who had been there the longest, I would have gotten it no question. But no, she gives the President job to a friend of mine who is good, but is not even enrolled in the school! (She said she would pay for him to come back to school. Not fair, pay for my shit too!) He's got great talent with music and writing and all, but he is late, shy, and just not organized. The VP position was given to another friend of mine, and while I'm kinda iffy on it, I think she would be good for that position. But she too hasn't been there as long as I have been and neither is she on time. -SIGH-

Maybe I'm just blowing this out of the water in my head. I mean the only person I talked to about this was Muse, and he said that I should have said something. But, what could I say? I'm hardly available during the days because as soon as I get out of class, I'm at home sleeping so I can go into work.

Speaking of work.

This girl that Angel and I work with got fired today. FINALLY. MUHAHAHAHA.

In all seriousness, I was getting tired of her. She was making it very difficult for people here. In fact she was the main reason we have to have a dress code and not be able to sit down behind the desk or wear jackets when it gets cold. Not to mention, she screwed up ALOT and never tried to learn her mistakes. She was very rude and the past two months... Always late.

I mean, don't get me wrong, i feel bad she was fired. But she brought it on herself and I have to look out for me. The only person I would cover for, would be Angel. But that goes without saying.

Gah. I have another hour and ten minutes left before I'm officially allowed to leave this place called work. I'm ready to get into my pajamas and hop into bed and bundle up underneath covers. BUT. I have to wait until Muse comes over because before he goes to start working on our house.. Haha, our.. ANYWAY. Before he goes to do that, he was going to drop off my Valentines gifts. Since we won't see each other on Sunday. Which sucks, but at least we are celebrating it. (Even though I think it's a hallmark holiday.)

I have this urge to make chocolate. I think it would be nice, and fitting. But... I think I would catch the house on fire somehow!

Oh wells!

Monday, February 1, 2010

update with a rant and thoughts

I've let this poor little blog go to the waste side. It's not that I don't like it. In fact, i love it. Because I can express things on here I can't to others. I mean, the only ones who read this don't judge, so I'm good. Others, I'd be wary. Most would wonder why I would care. But I do care. I don't want everyone to think I'm a cruel hearltess bitch. Now do I?

So what's on my mind at 5:15 am in the morning? Actually, better question. Why am I up? Because I'm working fools! I really need a new job. This audit thing is running me ragged. Completely ragged. I realized that sleep is soooo much better during the night hours. ANYWHO.

Tonight has been one of the first nights that my boyfriend, Muse hasn't come to visit. He has work in the morning, so he couldn't come by and visit. Which is completely understandable and which is why I'm here. I'm left to myself to think on this graveyard shift. Since, no one really comes through here. Thank goodness. But I pray sometimes, that someone will come in and disrupt my thoughts.

These thoughts tend to get the best of me. I think of, "what if's" and stuff of the sort. I also think about the day I had - or will have. Past. Present. Future. All the good things.. and bad.

Recently, I've been plagued with making decisions that will make me a better person and friend. I've noticed that my tolerance level for immaturity has gone down. I have hardly any of it. I typically fly off the handle when things of that nature appear. Instantly wanting it to go away.

For instance. There is a friend of mine who we will call... -thinks- Rocker? Nah. WannabeComedian! Not that he's not funny, but he wants to be that one day and more power to him. But he's been dating this girl for months now who causes a lot of grief. Now, the chick is pretty cool. Just a little mental. (Why are girls so mental these days?) Now, with that said. People have mentioned that if he's unhappy, then do something. Talk, compromise, something! Some have mentioned the idea of breaking up, and that's all I've heard. "God, I want to break up with her." or "I wish she would end it." Something to that effect. SO, they end their relationship. I called to make sure said friend was fine, and he said he was. Saying it was the best choice. Which I said, "It probably was. But just make sure you are okay." Now.. It doesn't suprise any of our friends that they are back together two days later. I don't really care. I do care when said friend says this, "I felt pressured into making that choice. I wasn't ready. And I wanna take it back." AHEM. ONE. You can't take shit back. If you think you can, you're a moron. TWO. If you weren't 'ready' then why keep complaining about it? If you weren't 'ready' then why do it? THREE. Pressured? BULLSHIT. No one can force you to do anything. (This is debatable. But I firmly believe that everyone has a choice.) No one forced you to break up with your girlfriend. No one said, "You need to or else." Nothing like that. So don't blame shit on us. THE FRIENDS YOU CARE AND TRUST... wtf ever.... anyway.....

Mini-rants are good. I could go on. But I feel that my blog will be much longer than I intended. And while that may be a good thing, I doubt the few people who ready this, want to hear me rant. (Seeing as how I rant all the time.)

On a happier note, Muse and I celebrated our one month mark! This past Friday. :D We are doing amazingly well. In fact no fights, at all. Well... -shakes head- Nah, none really. I mean we have like an argument over something that is debatable - but nothing that has to do with us and our relationship. THANK GOD.

My mum and step dad offered us one of the house my family rents out. Since it'll be available and renovated slightly by March. So, hopefully, if things go right and as smooth as I want, I'll be moving into a house with my boyfriend in a month or so. Which makes me happy and extremely nervous. I've never lived with anyone who wasn't family. Plus, Muse I and haven't been dating that long to warrant us living together. BUT. It feels right. Like it's the best choice. I'm hoping that it is.

The other night, I jokingly said, "We should go to the court today and just get married.." He then asked me, "What would you say if I asked you to marry me today, right now?" I just grinned. Toothy, goofy grin. Nodded feverently, "OKAY! Let's go!"

Haha, we got a kick out of it. Lol.

He says that he's found 'the one' and that if he could afford it, he would have already asked me to marry him. But seeing as how my dream ring costs. $3,800.. He's gotta build up some moneyssss for that sort of thing. Haha.

I'm wondering... When will it be, when this time of happiness comes to an end? I can't help but think pessimistically. I've been thinking that way for years now. I hope and hope and hope, and pray.. Then something good comes, for a little bit and it's gone again.

I don't want it to go.

I'm extremely worried that it will leave just as easily as it came.

I know that I need to try and stay positive, because that pessimism will probably hurt me in the long run. But I think it's okay to guard myself. Just a little, right? There's nothing wrong with protecting yourself. Not at all.

If this is a dream.. I don't wanna wake up.