Friday, January 22, 2010

new year, new stuff. 2010 baby!

Okay, so perhaps I got carried away with the title.

Still, it IS a new year.

Shortly after I hit the post button on my last blog, Muse decided to walk right into my work. We proceeded to talk casually, joking and the sorts. I playfully said to him, "You're gonna get tired of me soon.." Which he responds, "Really now? And here I was gonna ask you to be my girlfriend.."

Needless to say I freaked out. Quite literally. I almost spit out my water, and looked at him increduously. Seriously, I just stared. Then blushed. And started asking questions and we started talking hypothetically. An hour later, after we got completely off the subject with random topics that came up - I said yes.

Now. Now. Now.

I know what you all are thinking.

She's crazy. She was just upset over NoSoul and Cancer. Bonkers.

Perhaps I am.

I've thought about this alot lately. I've thought about this relationship I'm currently in.
"Am I in this relationship to just be with someone?"
Answer is no. It may look differently, but I honestly don't believe that. I don't have any hesitation unlike the others. Now, the thing with Cancer, I do believe it's because of the issues with NoSoul. Because I lost a child. And that still hurts, so much. It will never change. But I believe I clinged to Cancer because he 'cared' and I thought that it was okay. But it wasn't. I wasn't in love with him. I was trying to force myself like before, because I didn't want to be in pain.

Maybe this relationship is moving quickly, but I don't care.

I'm taking this as slow as possible. I'm learning from the past. And so far the past month has been bliss.

Muse makes me really happy. I'm not jealous or possessive. He gives me just the right amount of attention.
He is a great person and very handsome. I'm surprised I got so lucky. So lucky to ring the new year with him and his friends and mine.


Anywho. The hotel is beckoning. I need to replinsh things and get the hell outta here. More updates later. <3