Thursday, December 10, 2009

idiocy makes the world go round.

I'm really pissed.

Yesterday.. Or.. Let's do this in terms of days and not what I think. Tuesday. Yes, Tuesday I recieved a call from Cancer's mother. She left a voicemail and then proceeded to call my mother. To which the conversations went down hill. She went on and on about how I need to leave her son alone (I haven't said anything to him) because I have caused enough pain for their family. That he doesn't love me and that it was over. That we never really had a relationship and if she has anything to say about it, we won't have one in the future.

That hurt. ALOT. Considering he JUST told me he was still in love with me and that he would have to pray to God about it.

It was pretty hurtful. I literally felt someone or something reaching into my heart to grab it and snatch it out. I felt and still feel like I've been cut so deep, and the blood is just pouring from me so slowly. It's pretty aggravating and disconcerting.

I have not recieved a message or call from Cancer. I don't expect to. After that, I don't know what to expect anymore.


Still! Onto other things. I just finished my online exam for Music. So that's good. :D
My theater exam is tomorrow, errr today in about seven hours.
I plan to eat with my group before we part ways.
Then I have to tend to my best friend, her grandfather passed, so I'll be with her at the funeral.
Sleep and then work.

My schedule has been screwed up thanks to my manager, because she doesn't want to work the shifts that other people have requested off, and decided that I should do it. Even though I don't work weekends or second shift. But, I told her that it was ONLY going to be for these two weeks because one of the two people ish my friend and I don't mind doing it for her. The other is just whatever, she needs a weekend off. STILL.

Anyway. Let's get off that subject too.

So last night at work, I get greeted by a guest who is staying here for the next two weeks. He continues to stay and talk to me for an hour or two and asks for my name and if I wanted to go out this weekend. To which I told him no. I know, I'm horrible. But I'm just... Meh. Then the guy who delivers the papers came in to talk to me longer than usual and was like, "You know, I've been talking to you for weeks now and don't even know your name." Now, that girls, is how it is done. It was so cute the way he did it, he was just like, -grin- I was amused and blushed the shade of Rudolfs nose, and told him. It was sort of awkwardly cute. After the introductions, he went on to say, "Well I'm glad I remembered to ask because I was wondering about it for awhile now.." Now, now. This boy is cute and seems to be sweet. He can carry on a conversation as well. But, I'm so weird to this thing I don't know how to act. Especially since I'm still hurting over Cancer and even NoSoul.

So, what should I do?
Should I say yes to CountryBoy?
Or should I take charge with PaperBoy?

I am in limbo. Utter limbo. I wish that Cancer would have called by now. I wish that his mother never called. In fact.. Just meh. I wish a lot of things but you know. Like I have said before, I can't change it, because otherwise I wouldn't be the person I am today. Many people tell me I'm strong, but am I? I feel incredibly weak. Just the other day I felt like slipping back to how I used to be. (Drinking, Drugs, Cutting) But I kept fighting it, instead I just cried and punched my pillow. So much that the feathers went "poof!"

I used to love this time of year, but it's just so stressful, and I really don't like it now. :\

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